What’s the difference between the ego and the soul?
This year has been transformational. I’ve been so fortunate to have had the time, headspace and energy to delve deep into everything that captures my attention and this subject is one of the most fascinating.
One of the most greatest understandings was how our lives are governed through two different, but connected, parts of us. The ego and the soul. This post explores the differences between the two and the fundamental impact they have on who we are.
We all make decisions from fear or love
My big lightbulb moment came about one day when I was feeling frustrated and impatient with myself. As a practitioner in health and wellbeing I put a huge amount of pressure on myself to be ‘perfect’.
Be perfectly healthy, give perfect treatments etc. It’s exhausting and unrealistic. As I was thinking this, I suddenly had this thought ‘who is putting this pressure on me to be perfect and setting these expectations and deadlines?’.
This started a spiral of thinking into the driving forces behind my deep-rooted internal processes. I began to research into these two ingrained parts of our being, the soul and ego.
I’ve spent a lot of time picking apart these driving forces, trying to unveil and understand the layers that hide the true driving forces of my thoughts. Thoughts are the basis of everything that becomes your reality. Thoughts create words which create actions which end up creating your reality. What I discovered is that you make them out of fear or out of love. Fear is driven by ego and love is drive by soul.
The soul and ego are inherent parts of the spiritual mechanics that make up who we are. The ego isn’t bad, it helps us to survive and stay safe, but here’s the thing, it limits us.
We want to get out of our survival mode so we can fully live life to the full, free from fear so all the wonderful opportunities, experiences, people, places and things can flow into our lives. So how do we do this? Living through soul of course.
The difference between the ego and the soul
Ego has a lack mentality
Ego has a lack mentality meaning it believes there’s not enough. Not enough money, not enough time, not enough romantic possibilities, not enough success to go around. If someone has more the Ego thinks there will be less for it. Soul has a beautiful abundance mentality of “there’s enough for everyone”.
Soul believes that rather than there being a limited pool to take what you need; it is an infinite ocean. There is no such thing as lack.
Having a lack mentality means Ego believes in competition and comparison. Seeing someone else have success makes it feel like there’s less to go round. Ego creates a cage through comparison.
Soul recognises that we are all unique, there is no one like you, nor will there ever be. You are unique and if you embrace this through authenticity, all that’s meant for you will come. Comparison is an illusion. No one’s success can ever take away from your own.
Ego needs to feel safe and in control
Ego makes decisions through fear based on needing to survive and be safe. Practical decisions often hide within fear. Soul makes decisions through love, knowing where fear stems from and not believing the illusion.
Ego grasps and hoards onto what it has because it doesn’t believe it’s ever safe. If it lets go someone else will get it and there will be less to go around. Soul loosens its grasp knowing that what is meant to come will come and whatever is meant to go can be safely let go.
Ego needs to be in control, it has to do everything itself, there is no trust that all will be well, it works alone. Soul recognises that there is a greater force at work, all it needs to do is let go and trust.
Ego is judgemental and defensive
Ego judges others who don’t agree with it because this behaviour threatens its safety. So, it pushes and shouts for everyone to adhere to what it believes. Soul practices non-judgement. It accepts everyone as they are. It’s not the business of the soul to tell anyone what to believe or think.
Ego is so defensive. It believes it is always 100% right and how dare anyone think otherwise. Soul is defenceless, it has no need to defend its viewpoint because it has no need to force its will on others.
Ego has a victim mentality
Ego takes everything personally “how dare they say that about me!”.
Ego takes criticism personally, damaging its fragile self worth which is, of course, reliant on external validation. Soul recognises that it is perfect exactly as it is. It’s self worth comes from inner validation, not from other people. It recognises that others’ opinion has nothing to do with it.
Ego takes no responsibility for its actions. It has a victim mentality “poor me” that is self-pitying and resentful. Soul understands that we can always choose how to respond and takes full responsibility for its thoughts, words and actions.
Ego says “you make me feel angry”, blaming others for making it feel a certain way. Soul says “I choose to feel angry because of your actions” - see the difference in blame and responsibility?
Ego is filled with fear
Ego believes we’re all alone and separate. It’s survival of the fittest and Ego feels the need to tread over others to reach the illusion of safety through the accumulation of material wealth and external praise. It’s a trap.
Soul knows that we are all connected so when you do harm to others, you are harming yourself. It knows that it is connected to a higher consciousness and that it’s never alone. It is unconditionally loved and supported.
Ego fears passing time, wallows in past resentments and fast forwards into future fears, rarely stopping to stay present. Out of fear and a need for safety it feels the need to wallow in the past and angst over the future.
Soul understands that the present is all there is. The past is gone, the future hasn’t arrived. It knows it is a waste of energy to mull over past experiences or live in fear and anxiety of future possibilities.
How does the ego impact our self esteem?
We live in a culture that celebrates the ego, not the soul, which creates an environment in which the ego thrives.
One of my core beliefs, and what I work on with every client, is that we all suffer from self esteem. None of us believe we’re good enough, worthy of success, love or anything else we desire. When we’re born our self worth is 100% intact but it’s slowly worn down through the world we live in, childhood, parents and society.
This low self esteem can transpire through so many ways: self-harm, abusing our bodies through over or under eating, not trying for opportunities we think are out of our reach, not putting ourselves out there romantically though fear of rejection and vulnerability, a weakened immune function, lack of joy and depression.
Low self esteem permeates into our being and our bodies, it limits us, keeping us prisoners of our own making. We become locked in by fear and paralysed by inaction.
How does living through soul nourish our self esteem?
I touch on this because true self esteem blossoms when we live through soul in these two major ways.
When we begin to understand that we are a truly unique expression of life itself, we begin to realise that there’s no need to compare ourself to others. There is a reason we’re here, there are talents and gifts we have and when we begin to use them and live authentically life unfolds in a beautiful way.
When we don’t believe in lack, we’re no longer resentful of others’ success, there’s enough to go around and we’ll attract all that we need once we start living in alignment with who we are.
When we acknowledge that self esteem starts from within, we begin to loosen the chains that bind others’ opinions to our worthiness. We understand that we’re all free to think what we choose, one person’s thought is theirs alone and while it may be negative towards is, we always have a choice to link our self worth to that negativity or to cut the cord.
We begin to learn that others’ opinions always stem from their own ego mindset, usually rooted in fear and lack. They might resent us, judge us, blame us, but that always, always comes from their own fear-based mindset, driven by ego.
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